a boy. Play with cars. Play with trains, airplanes, and all those new, odd gadgets. Don’t play with fake weapons, because you might become one. Play video games, because you’re a boy. Don’t play the violent ones though, and don’t play so many video games that you get sucked into the TV. Play sports and roll around in mud. Be a girl for Halloween, in case you ever wondered what it’s like. Oh, and be good in school. PS. It’s not okay to hit that other little boy back. And about that girl who has cooties, she thinks the same about you, and here’s my advice for her.

For the young girl, play with dolls. Play with Easy-Bake ovens, and toy cookware. Play dress-up, and put on makeup. Have slumber parties. Do your friends’ nails, and their hair, even if you’re not the best stylist. Bake cookies with your mom. And you oughta be good in school, too. PS. It’s not okay to gossip.

But back to the little boy. It’s okay to help your mom in the kitchen, and for the young girl, you can have a baseball catch with your dad. Because everything I previously stated is just the norm, and no one can define “normal.” As a matter of fact, don’t listen to anything I suggested, because childhood is just the beginning of discovery. The discovery of ourselves, for when we’re adult men, and adult women. I’ll give my advice for them later, but for now, let me give some advice for those teenagers.

16-20 is a pretty decent age. Just do well in school and respect your friends and your family and you’ll be well off. As far as relationships go, gosh, good luck. Also, if you’re 16, you cannot drive without an adult yet, so don’t. Spend your time at the mall, but don’t spend all of your money, or your parents’. Get a part-time job. A few more things. Girls, you are not ducks. Smile. You want a real man? Give him a real woman, wipe away that makeup. Finally, no, you’re not throwing a kegger tonight. Speaking of kegger.

For the 21-year-old, party hard but party safely. These are some good times. And you’re only a quarter of the way through your life. We still have our adult life. And here’s my advice for them.

everything from now on will suck.

men. Your alarm will sound at the pleasant hour of 6am. But you won’t wake up. Your wife will. Groggy you will roll out of bed because you’re so excited to turn the coffee machine on, let the dog out, and be on your way to the Nascar race, I mean rush hour. My advice to you at this point, we know you’re paying the bills, and yes you’re tired when you get home from work, but acknowledge the kids when you return, for they are just as tired as you are; they’ve been working, too. Also, kiss your wife and thank her for the lunch she packed you the night before while you were watching Sunday Night Football. She’s been working all day too. And here’s my advice for her.

Love yourself. Don’t depend on a man. Do what you’ve always dreamed of doing. Don’t hold back. As far as college goes, I’m currently in it, so how can I give advice on it? So far though, it’s draining my part-time-job-filled pockets, and I’m wondering if it’ll be worth it. But I work at a retirement community, and the elderly are always telling me it will be, and here’s my advice for them…

Now might be the time to do anything you have not done. Go skydiving. Climb a mountain. Swim with dolphins. Ride rollercoasters with your grandchildren. After all, they say when we die, our life flashes before us. So I guess you want to make sure it’s something worth seeing, right?